31 December 2016
I wonder how many people are setting themselves some resolutions this year? What is the drive behind the choices they make? Are people attempting to make changes because they are critical of themselves? "I'm too (insert word here)", "I'm not (insert word here) enough", "I should/shouldn't be (insert word here)"?
How about a framework for making resolutions?
How about basing the choices you make on something fundamentally meaningful?
I propose that Bronnie Ware's famous list of "Top 5 Regrets of the Dying" could be a great way of defining resolutions that will ultimately make a difference to the quality of our lives. Bonnie has shared what she discovered as a nurse in palliative care. Her findings, which she has extended into a book on the subject, are as follows:
30 December 2016
(Originally published 7th August 2013)
Counselling is usually for one hour, once a week, for a set duration. That leaves a lot of time spent outside of the counselling room, with the issues that brought a client there perhaps not changing an awful lot between sessions. So I sometimes advise on what steps a client can take to assist the counselling work and help them achieve their goal of overcoming grief, depression, unwanted patterns of behaviour or relationship issues.
1. Take up Meditation
The West is catching up with what the East have known for millenia. Meditation is good for the mind, body and soul. Pretty much everybody has heard of meditation but in the past it has had an air of hippiness or religiousness about it, but even the NHS has caught onto the benefits with the Western-friendly concept of mindfulness (click here for an interesting post exploring the differences/overlaps between meditation and mindfulness).
Here is a short video done by a chap called davidji who succinctly and quite persuasively explains some of the benefits of meditation in this short (2:15min) video (click here if it does not show up on your device):
If you need any more persuasion, try this link from The New York Times regarding research in meditation and how it effects the brain.
You can start off by trying a guided meditation CD or looking on YouTube for a taster.
2. Keep a Journal
Keeping a personal journal was a requirement of my training. We had to bring in our journals from time to time to show the tutor that we were writing in them regularly. I really learnt the benefits firsthand of writing down parts of my process. There are a few reasons for why it was so useful:
- Expressing frustrations without offending anybody
- Consolidating work done in personal therapy (another requirement of my training)
- Being able to look back and chart personal growth
- For visual learners - reinforcing what you have learnt
Some of my clients keep a journal and write reflectively in between sessions. Sometimes, they might bring some of their thoughts to the next session. There are no rules about what's right or wrong in this respect - each person is different. What I can say though, is that those that keep journals tend to need less sessions overall. This is a hard thing to quantify, but it seems to me that the work is more "efficient" and it keeps us more on track if the client does this work between sessions.
Making a note of any dreams can create fruitful work too. It is quite common for clients to have a highly symbolic and powerful dream the night before a session.
3. Take up some aerobic exercise
Exercise raises endorphin levels in the brain. Endorphins contribute to our sense of well being, as well as being natural painkillers. Regular exercise will help you to feel fitter and help you get into shape, to feel healthier and better about yourself. Read this NHS article for more information on the relationship between exercise and depression. I wouldn't go so far as to say that exercise can cure depression, but it can help alleviate the symptoms by letting the body access it's natural, feel good hormones.
Aerobic exercise is the kind that gets you out of breath, so walking would need to be to the point that you struggle to speak and get sweaty. Swimming would need to be pushing your limits. Running and strenuous sports such as tennis and squash would count as aerobic exercise, as well as many cardio-based gym classes.
4. Take up yoga, pilates or martial arts
Although these are also described as exercises, I have separated them from aerobic exercise because the benefits are different (although strenuous yoga or martial arts will yield cardio benefits too). The benefits of these forms of exercise are that they strengthen the mind and body connection. These activities require a lot of learning, so the challenge is mental as well as physical. By doing these kinds of activities you can create the space to make changes in areas of your life where you are struggling. It is easier to break old habits if you harness your brain's ability to reshape it's neuronal networks by contunued learning. Joe Dispenza writes extensively about this in his book Evolve Your Brain, which I write about here, along with the reasons why I began to learn a martial art.
5. Pay attention to diet
I am not a nutritionist but I have long been interested in dietary matters. I believe that many people would feel a lot better if they had a dietary overhaul. Sometimes, I enquire about food habits with clients as a poor diet can lead to mood swings, difficulties with sleeping and the worsening of the symptoms of depression, anxiety, the menopause and pre-menstrual tension.
I have had a few clients give up caffeine, or at least cut down, because caffeine can induce anxiety in some people, and cause insomnia in others. Alcohol can lead to depression and anxiety the day following consumption. Many people do not realise the connection between what they eat and their subsequent mood. A food diary can help.
An interesting book to read on the subject is Patrick Holford's The Optimum Nutrition Bible. If you can get half way to eating the way he suggests you'll probably feel a whole lot better.
Amanda Williamson is BACP Registered private counsellor working in Exeter, Devon.
Welcome to Counselling in Exeter
Welcome to Counselling in Exeter