I often see clients who
want to explore issues around weight. The work I do with these clients usually includes elements of discussing underlying factors which can be many and varied.
Sometimes it makes sense to look at the historical relationship with food. I have struggled with sugar cravings and can link that back to my naughty “sugar missions” as I used to call them. At around age 7 or 8, when the family were all busy doing something like watching telly, I would raid the baking cupboard and help myself to golden syrup, granulated sugar, ice cream toppings…I remember how soothing it felt if I was lonely or bored. It’s no wonder I get a buzz from it as an adult! As well as the physiological response there would be the brain chemical rush and the thrill of being naughty. Alcoholism features strongly in my family tree too and there is understood to be a link between sugar and alcohol addiction. Exploring things like this can help us to be less judgmental towards ourselves and in fact judgmentalism towards ourselves can increase our need for sugar in order to soothe the bad feelings we have created for ourselves. It’s a vicious circle.
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| Me aged around 8 or 9 |
Some of us may have had
a parent/s with a complex relationship with food that impacted upon us as a
child. If a child has a tendency to carry a little excess weight then they may
have been inadvertently or overtly shamed by parents, other children or even, I have heard, by compulsory weigh-ins at
a "fat clinic" for overweight children in decades gone by (I really hope those died a death).
Compulsive eating and
diet sabotaging have lots in common with other compulsive behaviours such as
problem gambling, alcohol addiction, even an attachment to an unhealthy
relationship. My therapeutic interventions are informed by the training I did
with SMART Recovery, the specialist training with the gambling charity Gamcare
and the work of Candace Pert, author of Molecules of Emotion who was the
neuropharmacologist who discovered the opiate receptor. Candace Pert makes a compelling argument for how we can be addicted to emotional states, even bad ones, because we crave the chemical signals our bodies get used to receiving.
An example of a practical
tool I might use to help understand the underlying dynamics in compulsive behaviour is the SMART
Recovery "Motivational Matrix". Here is a made-up example of one for sugar
addiction:
There is almost always
nothing in the Long Term/Positives box, regardless of type of compulsive
behaviour. Doing an exercise like this can help us see clearly in black and
white just how much the negatives feature in our vicious circle. Controlling
impulses in the short term can be easier if we know what we are really up
against.
"We sit down and eat for pleasure, using all of our senses," Mireille Guiliano, author of French Women Don't Get Fat
This sums up a final piece of advice from me. If we have committed to eating that bar of chocolate, which lets face it, if we're on the way to the cupboard to get it then it's going to happen, then can we actually allow ourselves to enjoy it? Instead of self-flagellating ourselves with feel bad chemicals which trump any of the pleasure, let's think about the pleasurable aspect and eat mindfully. So many people I have worked with tell me that they eat compulsively whilst watching the TV and don't even notice what they are doing or feel the enjoyment of it. It's become a compulsion and we are missing out on the point of the "naughty but nice".
Coaching
So with all that
understanding and insight there can still be the need to strategise in order to implement the changing of
ingrained habits. Some of us might benefit from support in implementing
changes to our diet and lifestyle without dipping into the past, Depending on your personal situation it might be preferable over counselling and psychotherapy altogether to go straight into working with a coach.
I have been following the
work of my previous Pilates Coach Adele Stickland over the last few years as she is also the online Get Gorgeous Health Coach. I invited her to be
a guest on this blog as I would like to share her work and the concept of
health coaching. I really like Adele’s style. She is very down to earth and
sets realistic goals. She works with women around 40 and over. Adele kindly
agreed…
Hi Adele, I came to you
initially for Pilates classes (which were wonderful by the way and only stopped
due to my schedule) and since then have followed your Get Gorgeous Facebook
page and blog posts. What was behind expanding your Pilates business towards
online nutrition, health and lifestyle coaching?
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| Adele Stickland - Get Gorgeous Coach |
Hi lovely Amanda
Yes that is right I
remember the very first class you attended, you were strong and a little
inflexible but with Pilates practise you soon changed that.
I started teaching
Pilates over 20 years ago, at first I was using it as a down time from my ‘real
exercise’ of high impact aerobics, step, BodyPump you know the normal crazy
things we used to do. I soon realised I was addicted to this type of adrenalin
exercise but it was not doing my body or my mind any favours.
Currently I only teach
Pilates and I am reducing my in person classes steadily. As I grow I realise for myself I need to
reduce my face to face teaching hours and increase my online presence. It is an industry trend, but also fits my
home and my own mental space.
As an instructor I was
constantly talking to people about the right things to eat, something that I
was confused about for years. As
instructors we were all on the eat more carbs band wagon so we could keep
exercising, Over the years I learnt that bread and pasta were giving me a short
burst of energy but a huge tummy.
My online Get Gorgeous
business grew because of the pain of listening to women in particular enduring
that roller coaster diet ride which is addictive and damaging. I was staggered by comments from women who
were diet leaders for WW and SW and were adding ‘aspartame’ to their food to
make it palatable but completely unaware of the health issues. I realised with shock and frustration that
Diet’s simply aren’t a healthy way to live.
I was really taken with
the video on your Facebook Page
(https://get-gorgeous.com/why-weight-gain-is-not-your-real-problem/) where you
tell us that weight gain is not the real problem. I think that this hits home
with many of us. I totally agree with you and find as a therapist that all
compulsive behaviours (including the compulsion to eat not-so-virtuous foods)
seem to be more about the vicious circle of 'drama' (the word you use in the
video). This is absolutely what I see. Whether it be eating, drinking,
gambling, shopping; along with the hook of the buzz (the
dopamine/serotonin/adrenalin etc) is the crash of guilt, shame, self-judgment.
The peptides that our body releases when we feel those painful emotions can in
theory be as addictive as the pleasure hormones!
Diets focus on the
outcome of the fridge scenario, and how to stop you when you get to the fridge.
With no planning or understanding of what you are doing you are bound to find a
quick fix or a diet snack. Both are low quality food choices and then you
then work through that guilt, shame and personal disgust scenario. It is extremely painful and demoralising. Get
Gorgeous works before the fridge scenario takes over. Firstly look at what you are going to do for
the week and plan out your healthy options.
Which, okay that is what
every diet recommends, but what is different about Get Gorgeous is we look to
stop the ‘mind chatter’ the detrimental chat in your head that causes your
stress and begin to break the negative cycle and change the way you ‘chat to
yourself’ before you head to the fridge.
Once you get to the
cupboard or fridge door IT IS TOO LATE!
You are never going to resist. Yes, you have worked hard, too hard, deal
with the working hard issue not the battle at the cupboard door.
Your weight gain is not
your main problem, it is not your biggest worry. Your weight gain is a symptom of a deeper
issue. Weight gain is not the cause of
your discomfort or displeasure with your body, it is the result of deep
insecurity and deep feelings of resentment that have not been dealt with from
your past.
You may never know why
you feel intensely uncomfortable when somebody says something innocent to
you. You may never understand the exact
cause of that feeling in your belly or your throat. But you can understand it is there and learn
how to move past it. There are productive and satisfying ways of dealing with
your food or any type of anxiety demon.
It takes a little bit of
awareness and an appreciation that you are gorgeous.
Please would you tell me
something about what you provide? Who might benefit from having a chat with you
and why?
I offer a way of adding
good nutrition into your busy life with ease and flow, I work with you to find
a way to add exercise into your life and I offer a safe space to explore why
you react to stress and manage a situation that moves away from old eating habits.
I offer a group programme
and one to ones, depending on the work my gorgeous girls need.
I specialise in working
with women who are heading to 40/50 or 60.
What top three-lifestyle
issues would you say we might all benefit from tweaking, to enhance our health
and happiness? (no pressure!)
Great question and
interestingly enough I have written a blog on that here is the link:
In essence I would a
start by suggesting eating more protein, women in particularly are depleted in
this macronutrient and our energy levels are illustrating this lack of
nutrient. Once that habit is
established and you start to feel better, more energised and motivated then I
would slowly help you to increase your exercise, and finally I would slide in a
reduction of your sugar or quick fix habits you have relied upon, for instance
chocolate bar in the 4pm slump, sweeties on a long journey, coffee and cake at
mid morning. I wouldn’t start with the scary stuff, I start small and help you
to feel better first.
Let me show YOU can
improve your health and create healthy habits and strategies. Become the real
you and step into the person you were meant to be. APPLY for some time with me.
Adele x
A massive thanks to Adele. How did she know about my 4pm slump? I highly recommend her Exeter based Pilates classes and she also sells Pilates DVDs. You can find her Get Gorgeous Facebook page here.
I mention how activities such as Pilates can help the therapeutic process in this article: http://www.amandawilliamsoncounselling.co.uk/2013/08/top-5-lifestyle-tips-things-to-do.html
I mention how activities such as Pilates can help the therapeutic process in this article: http://www.amandawilliamsoncounselling.co.uk/2013/08/top-5-lifestyle-tips-things-to-do.html
Amanda Williamson is BACP Registered and Accredited private counsellor working in central Exeter, Devon.
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